Fear of Change: Fear of Loss

In the midst of so much change, and the possibility of change, and the certainty of change, this post from Keegan Lenker on Fuller Youth Institute website was timely. There is a tid bit at the end of the post that I find particularly enlightening. "People aren't afraid of change, they are afraid of loss." What a profound insight. This changes everything when framing change to those who must walk through it. What if, in the face of change, we ask a series of questions. 

What are we actually loosing in this process?

What might we lose in this process?

What is the hardest thing to let go of? Do you have to let go of it?

What pieces of the past can we take with us?

What is there to be gained?

Where are we going and is it somewhere I want to go?

Who is affected by this shift? How are they affected? How am I affected? 

If we ask these questions, what sort of conversations might we have? Are they potentially more productive? At the very least, it is helpful to remember that resistance to change is sometimes about loss. 

I have seen a few helicopter parents in my day

As a college admissions professional I have a front-row seat to the differences between a helicopter parent and a helpful parent. This is a fine line. And it is a bit unfair of me to talk about it in these terms because adolescents certainly need their parents in this process. Man, do they ever. Students whose parents don't help them at all are severely impairing their children in the college search process. Trust me, they need their parents to be more grounded than they are, they need them to be more responsible than they are, and they definitely need them to know more about the financial investment of college than they do. And, they need  help processing all of the things that go into choosing a college, is it daunting; and it is arguable that someone at the age of 18 is not capable of fully understanding things like student loans. I digress. I shall get back to the point of this post: helpful distinctions between impairing and aiding an adolescent: between hovering and helping. 

After five years of walking students and parents through the college decision process, I am usually able to tell when a parent is hovering and when a parent is helping. Up until today this has always been more of an abstract intuition than anything else. This morning I read a post from the Fuller Youth Institute on that very distinction. They (as always) put into measurable terms what I knew by intuition. They pose three questions that cut to the heart of the difference- motivation. As I already mentioned, students need their parents.  So it is not that a parent shouldn't help their child, instead the issue is why they are doing so. In the college search process parents who step in because their child is out of their depth are helping their children.  

In my observation parents are helping their children by taking an active role in the process when their child is unused to sifting through all the jargon, genuinely doesn't understand what questions to ask, or when the student is dealing directly with the financial investment of college. I could come up with any number of examples of parents hurting their children by hovering when they should be helping, but I am not going to list them. What is a hindering action for one student could be helpful for another. The issue is not that a parent is stepping in, but why a parent is stepping in. I occasionally rant and rave about this in my workplace (and by occasionally I may mean on a regular basis and loudly at that) so now it will be nice to have words for what bothers me. And that, in turn, just might mean that I am able to complain less. And complaining less is always a good thing. Thank you, Fuller Youth Institute, for not only articulating something in a helpful manner, but also for giving my office mates a break. 

A Tale of Two Tables

How do we explain what meaningful intergenerational interaction looks like? How do we explain the difference between where we are and where we could be? I am so thankful for the hard work of the Fuller Youth Institute to make things easy to use and easy to understand. This is a very solid explanation of the intergenerational experience of most people in Evangelical America. There are, of course, churches, individuals, and ministries that are doing this and doing it well, but they are sadly not the norm. I think that we do have two tables in the church: parallel experiences of the same church and often times the same church service. Is this accurate? What is your experience of your church?

All churches are multigenerational. Few are intergenerational.

This is such a great distinction. Thank you, Fuller Youth Institute, for finding this blog post by Matthew DePrez. As he describes it, here is the basic difference between a mulitgenerational church and an intergenerational church: an intergenerational church is one where people have meaningful relationships across generations, and a multigenerational church is one where people from each generation exist peacefully together. He gives a few outcomes of each type of church; the intergenerational church know names and bits about one another's lives, pray for each other, and can count on one another for interaction and growth. Multigenerational churches participate in the same services and church functions, but rarely have more than cursory interactions with those outside of their age group.

The obvious implication is that it is better to have an intergenerational church. But, how to build one is a more puzzling question to me. Encouraging interactions and meaningful relationships across generations seems messy, confusing, and risky. It very well might be, but oh so worth it. How do we encourage conversations and interactions? It seems to me that in my own church generations are often in settings that are conducive to such interaction - children's ministry, youth ministry, missions trips, choirs, events, etc, but that it is hard to take those interactions and make them something relationally real.

How do I step outside of my comfortable young adult bubble and learn to get to know someone older than me? How do I navigate a real relationship with someone who is not a peer? What common ground might we have? And how do we get below the surface of Sunday morning greeting time so that we can genuinely minister to one another?

music for my academic, youth-loving soul

"First, realize (and celebrate) that this curriculum is a mixture of Scripture and social science data, of theology and research.  Theology based in Scripture beats at the heart of this curriculum, but good research conducted by the Fuller Youth Institute and other research centers also pulses throughout." Have I mentioned yet that I love, love, love well-done research? And that I love, love, love when it is applied to the daily practice of youth ministry? And here are some people that are doing it and doing it well! So exciting!

The Fuller Youth Institute has been conducting research for the past few years on the longevity and quality of youth-group attending students after their graduation from high school. This is the research behind the Sticky Faith curriculum and books. The quote above is an introduction to that curriculum designed as a tool to help foster lasting, meaningful, Christ-centered, transformative, community-oriented faith for high school seniors.

I am excited about this particular curriculum for many good reasons.

1. It includes qualitative and quantitative data over a long enough period of time, from a large enough group to be reliable. What does that mean for someone who might use it? It means that it is dependable. The underlying assumptions are based on well-documented, real-life experiences of a large number of young people who have made the transition out of high school youth group to whatever lies beyond. It means that when they say things like "Approximately 40% of youth group seniors significantly struggle with their faith and with finding a church after graduation. Only about 16% of college freshmen felt well prepared by their youth ministries for what they encountered after graduation." You can trust that they know what they are talking about, and you can take their suggestions seriously.

2. The research translates into a practical, user-friendly form. What? That simply can't be. Oh, but my friends, it is. It is. The curriculum samples (which, by the way are FREE) include preparation points, a main idea, step by step instructions, a hand out, and great verbage for starting meaty discussion. As if that weren't enough there are lists of organizations to help students stay plugged in during college, tips on finding a church, and list of questions for students to ask during a search for a local church.

3. The writers of this curriculum love Jesus, love adolescents, and have the utmost respect for those practicing youth ministry. This makes all the difference in the world. Kara Powell, Brad Griffin, and Chap Clark are people who consistently demonstrate a commitment to the gospel, and will not be moved. They care that those who are in church are meeting Christ and being transformed by the Holy Spirit for the rest of their lives. That means that this curriculum is something of substance. They combine that passion with an understanding of the labors of those in youth ministry who want nothing more than to lead students to Christ and often find it very challenging to do so.

Isn't this so great? Do you know what this means? This means that there is someone out there who has put in the work for you to have reliable, usable tools to help foster gospel-centered faith in young people! Ah! If you have, for some reason, made it this far in the post and not followed a link, follow this one: sign up for the free resources from the Fuller Youth Institute.

A Letter To Parents

I am not a parent. I have no children, and so I can't even begin to say that I know what it is like to walk in your shoes. But I can say this: I know that you are the most important, most influential person in the spiritual life of your adolescent. It does not matter if they acknowledge it, it does not matter if you never talk with your child about about your spiritual life or their, it does not matter if you are not sure your children are even hearing you, no matter how they react, YOU are the most important person in the outcome, formation, and longevity of the spiritual lives of your teenager.

Over and over again the research points to parents being far and away the most consistent predictor of the faith of their children. As Kenda Creasy Dean puts it "we get what we are." Christian Smith and the National Study for Youth and Religion name parents, and in particular, the mother, as the most influential factor in the participation and internalization of the faith of their children. " On page 116 of Soul Searching he says, "Family socialization generally seems to work when it comes to teenagers’ religious faith and practice. Furthermore, the quality of the relationships that parents build with their teenagers, and their own choices about marriage relationships, education, and occupations—insofar as they have choices in these areas—also create family contexts that again form the outcome of their teenagers’ religious and spiritual lives."

Your kids ARE listening, or more accurately, they are absorbing. They are absorbing your beliefs, habits, and level of internalization. I want to take a minute and talk about the internalization piece (which is a word coined by Fuller Youth Institute). In a nut shell: internalization is the level at which one's faith affects one's daily life and character. It is about Christ changing who we are, not just what we do. An integrated faith changes thoughts, values, beliefs, priorities, budgets, relationships, and schedules. A person who is internalizing their faith in Christ is moving towards loving others and God on a daily basis. This is often messy and awkward. It involves mistakes, apologies, harming others, being harmed, sharing our tender spots, it often involves anger, confusion, hope, tears, affection, kindness, and grace - lots and lots of grace. If you are moving towards internalizing your faith, then the odds are high that your child is as well. In short, adolescents are absorbing and mimicking the level at which the faith of their parents is or is not internalized.

I ask myself this often as a youth worker: Am I being transparent about my mess? I am becoming more and more passionate about parents also asking that question. The influence of positive parental relationships during adolescence is both one of the most powerful influences on lasting faith, and one of the places that our culture has stereotypically expected disengagement on both the part of the adolescent and the parent. While teens naturally reproduce the spirituality of their parents, they also benefit greatly from an adult, and most particularly, a parent having an open dialogue about one another'sspiritual lives. In particular, if you are following Christ, then sharing about your daily spiritual life, how you became a Christian, and everything in between can equip your child to navigate the transition into adulthood with their faith in tact. It makes so much sense to me! You have lived more, and you know what it looks like to follow Christ in your stage of life, and quite simply, your kids do not. They have not lived it or walked it and cannot know what it looks like without the adults in their lives being honest about what it means to follow Christ in all of its messy glory.

How you live your spiritual life matters, how you share that with your teenager matters. I am praying for you all as you make this journey. Please pray for me as I learn to relate to you and your children. Let's keep walking this road together.

FYI- Why you should sign up

Yes, you.

Fuller Youth Institute is not only a handy link on the side of my blog- they are a group of people passionate about changing the lives of young people in a culturally relevant manner. More than that- they are doing quality, well-done research AND sharing those results with you for FREE!!! Yes, Free! They have an e-journal to which you can subscribe delivering that information right to your email. DO IT.

Why, you ask? Well... let me tell you. Because they provide information on what contributes to lasting faith, information on doing short-term missions effectively, information on intergenerational ministry, and interviews with people in the trenches. Do you ever wonder "How much difference do parents actually make?" "How do I talk about homosexuality?" "Are short-term missions worth anything to the people we serve?" "What do I need to be doing that will help the faith of my students last into college and beyond?" That is just a sampling of what is on their home page.

If you ask me, "Sarah, even if I can get that answer, how do I know that it came from a reliable source?" Well, FYI is connected to Fuller Theological Seminary. FYI is doing it right. They are putting in the hard work of making sure their information is accruate, up to date, and relavant. They publish the tools used for their research and they make sure that they publish their sample sizes and research methods. They get it done. And then they provide information to serve you, the youth worker - volunteers, parents, those studying youth minsitry, those teaching youth ministry, and most especially the salaried youth pastor. That is right, there is free information from informed, cutlurally aware poeple who are passionate about helping you to reach adolescents with the life-changing truths of the gospel. And thier thoughts are delivered to your inbox, for free! Awesome. now... if you read this far and did not sign up, I am going to have to insist that you do so now. No spam. No fees. No excuses.

Sign up for the e-journal here.

Internalization part 2

Internalization as part of identity development

In their article Riding the Highs and Lows of Teenage Faith Development Identity Formation and the Importance of Moratorium, Kara Powell and Meredith Miller explain James Marcia's theory of identity development that states that people go through various stages of rest, unrest, and integration in regards to

their faith. Here are the four stages as they list them:

Diffusion "Persons in diffusion have simply not thought about their identity. They are not sure what they believe about key issues such as religion, politics, gender roles, or occupation, nor are they concerned with them."

Foreclosure "This is a status in which adolescents have definite opinions about their identity, but those opinions have been inherited from external forces rather than cultivated from within themselves. They have stable commitments, but have not experienced exploration or crisis."

Moratorium "They question who they are and what they believe and are unable to land on clearly defined beliefs and standards. This is the stage in which individuals challenge what they have inherited. For this reason, they will often express doubts and uncertainties about what they believe."

Achievement "The goal of identity development is to reach the achieved status. It is the status wherein individuals have explored who they are and what they believe and hold stable commitments to a set of beliefs, values and standards. Their identity is defined, and they have thought through their perspectives."

Internalization might be best equated with the "achievement" stage. Powell and Miller challenge youth workers to engage moratorium with the understanding that it will help bring about a more solid, owned faith in an adolescent. Is internalization the achievement stage? The whole process? I am inclined to say that it is the last two phases of identity development- moratorium and achievement.

What do you think?

Internalization part 1

I did it. I finally picked up my capstone and read through it, paying attention to and injesting the comments of my advisor. He asked me to expand on a concept called Internalization. I found this to be a little annoying on several levels, not the least of which being that it is something that is incredibly hard to define and measure. This is a concept I first learned of from Meredith Miller in The Lockbox Theory’s Implications for Your Students. Fuller Youth Institute mentions this idea quite a bit in their research, and this was my starting point. It is, however, a theme in all of the research about the church drop out rate. In a very small nut shell internalization is an understanding that faith applies to many aspects of life and involves translating that understanding into action.

Internalization involves the translation of one's faith into actions and it involves the ability to articulate one's faith and basic doctrinal beliefs. But those two things are fruit of the internalization itself. It is that subtle and potentially unmeasurable ownership of faith. People with internalizaed faith "get it." Are you starting to see my frustration? Obviously this is incredibly important to longevity in anyone's faith, and, I am sure, one of the goals of every ministry that takes Christianity seriously. How on earth does one expand on and define this even further? Of course I understand the need, but where does one start with explaining this concept?

I am sure there will be many more posts exploring this idea, because I can feel it catching my internally. But for now, I will take up at least a piece of the challenge from Dr. Cooper. Over the next few posts, let me suggest a few basic ideas. I would like to hear your thoughts.

Which one do you resonate with the most? Why? Do you have other suggestions?

Yes, teenagers are graduating from the church

For those who have been in suspense for several years: Yes, teenagers are graduating from high school, and at the same time, ceasing to be regularly involved in churches. Of course there are different definitions of what that looks like, and the research tracking this shift is recent enough that no one is sure if the drop in church attendance will last in the lives of this group of people. What is confirmed by the research is that there is an overall decline in church attendance beyond graduation from high school.

Here are some of the various tidbits of research shamelessly pulled from my capstone paper.

• In Souls in Transition, Christian Smith tracks the religious shifts from ages 13-17 to 18-23 and this research shows an “overall decline in professed importance of religious faith.”[1] Of the students who were Mainline Protestant or Conservative Protestant in high school, Smith reports that these categories lost 13 percent of their baseline totals over the five year period.[2] This includes religious switching or changing of religious affiliation, defined as “stated membership, association, or identification with different major religious traditions and organizations.”[3] Fifty percent of the Mainline Protestant and 36 percent of the Conservative Protestants switched to another religious affiliation, including switching between these two affiliations
• Smith also notes a 24.7 percent loss in those who attended religious service two to three times a month or more, yet there was only an 8.5 percent loss in those who said that faith is “extremely important” or “very important” in daily life.[4] In these categories, Mainline Protestants had the biggest decrease with a loss of 16 percent, while Conservative Protestants lost 13 percent.
• As part of the College Transition Project, Fuller Youth Institute tracked 400 college students who attended youth groups in high through their first three years of college in order to “to better understand the characteristics of youth groups that are associated with a healthy transition to college life and help youth workers develop those qualities in their youth groups.”[5] Some of their findings to date state that “29 percent of the students we’ve surveyed moderately or strongly agree that ‘it’s been difficult to find a church where I feel welcome.’  Although we are not yet finished with our study, this data (along with findings in parallel studies) seem to suggest that about 30-50 percent of students in youth groups struggle in their faith after graduation.”[6]

The numbers by themselves can be daunting. Yes, there is a decline in church attendance after graduation from high school, but these numbers are fleshed out and balanced out by increasing in religious interest, stories of young people who are deeply commited to their faith, and by exploration of the reasons and causes behind the behavior. I found a lot of encouraging material in the midst of this information. But, the purpose of this blog entry is to answer a question from 3 years ago: Around 30 percent of high school students who regularly attended either youth group or a church cease doing so after graduation.

This is a very real phenomena.

I think that we have an equally real challenge to do something about it.

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• [5] http://fulleryouthinstitute.org/college-transition/#research
• [6] Ibid,

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[4] Ibid, 133.

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[1] Smith, Souls in Transition, 113.

[2] Ibid, 105.

[3] Ibid, 103