Liturgy and Duplicity - Palm Sunday

We came into the sanctuary singing, waiving our palm branches and declaring "Hosanna, Save Us!" There was joy. Ten minutes later,  we read about the betrayal of Christ, and we yelled out "Crucify Him! Release Barabbas!" Our Deacon said "You might well be wondering what happened. You might feel jarred, and I urge you not to rush past that feeling." One of the things that I find most freeing about liturgy is that it allows me space to bring so many of the facets of my relationship with God. Because I can, indeed, in one morning, enter joyfully into the reality that Christ is King and I can turn my back on Him, cursing. I find the liturgy creates space for many sides of my nature as a sinful believer.

I find that when I have space to acknowledge my own frailty and failing that it is easier to choose to live in love. When I can honestly acknowledge my own inclinations towards evil and selfishness, it is easier to make the choice to turn from them. Previously, I felt a need to eradicate them and there was a tyrannical element to this need. I felt I had to make it so that there was no evil in me to turn from, so I found myself focusing on the sin. When I can see my sin for what it is it gives me the space to acknowledge that it is mine and that I am in some way bound to it, and that I need Christ in order to be free.

And I do. Come, Lord Jesus, and take away the sins of the world. The body of Christ, broken for me. Thanks be to God. The blood of Christ, spilled for me. Thanks be to God. 

Texas Tomato Broth and Roasted Veggies

Yes, Texas. Well, not because it has anything to do with Texas itself, but because the whole time I was in Texas I kept craving this dish. Somewhere in my heart I decided that roasted veggies in tomato broth would be amazing, hearty, healthy and delicious. Of course this could only be served over some quinoa. I was frustrated at every restaurant- why didn't people have this on the menu? After all, we were in Austin, the home of all things hipster and healthy. Then I came to my senses and realized that I could just make it once we were home. So,  I did. And. It. Was. Amazing. Let me say it again- it was amazing! But, of course, I made it up in a flurry of creativity, and I did not write anything down. This was a major misstep. Has anyone else out there ever done that?

Luckily, I was able to find the two recipes I adapted and recreate it in all of its original thyme-covered, savory, tomato-based glory. My mouth is watering. The best thing about this is that it combines all the best of  a recipe from Emeril (don't I feel cool) that involves come citrus and the comfort from a Smitten Kitchen recipe. I love all things Smitten Kitchen. Seriously, check out her blog. And her cookbook. I read mine cover to cover because I am a nerd like that.

Okay, here we go.

Texas Tomato Broth and Roasted Veggies

Chop:
2 medium zucchini
2 medium squash
The key here is consistency. You want to make sure that they all roast the same.
Toss in olive oil, the place on cookie sheet. season with seas salt, thyme. I don't know how much thyme exactly, but it should look like this:

Bake for approximately 30 minutes at 350.
You know they are done when they have a little resistance when poked with fork.

Chop:
1 medium carrot
1 stalk celery
1 medium onion
I recommend doing a fairly small/fine chop on these as you are going to puree them with an immersion blender.
Season with sea salt and 1 tsp thyme.
Saute until the onion becomes translucent.
Add 3-4 cloves finely chopped garlic.
Saute for 1 minute more.
Add 1/2 c. white wine. I recommend a fruity, citrusy chardonnay, but really whatever you have is fine.
In fact, the first time I made this I did not have white wine or vegetable stock and simply used water.
Reduce by half.

This what I used, isn't it pretty? The woman at the store tried to sell it to me because it was named after a song by Train. I bought it anyway.

Add:
Half 28 oz can crushed tomatoes
2 cups veg broth
3 cups water
2 bay leaves

Simmer forever. 1-2 hours. stirring occasionally.

After it has simmered to your satisfaction or time table, add:
Juice from 2 lemons
1/4 cup orange juice

Then use your immersion blender and blend until smooth and then blend some more.
No one likes chunks of celery.

Add:
Roasted veggies
Remaining canned tomatoes

Serve over quinoa with fresh Parmesan  I suppose you could serve it over rice, or something else, or *gasp* nothing, but then I should warn you that it will not be the glorious meal I imagined in Texas. It is, after all, TEXAS Tomato Broth and Roasted Veggies.

You might note that there is no quinoa in my picture. Well, that is not entirely  true. The project I was working on this evening exploded into something much more detailed and time-consuming than I thought and in an effort to get something done, I started this post. I got almost all the way through and realized that I did not have a picture of the finished product, so I took the 1/8 cup quinoa I had, and put cold broth over it. So, the post is completed, and there is quinoa- barely. But it is done, dang it. Something has to be done this evening. 

Lent Failure?

Is lent about failure? We will fail, not just at giving things up, but at our own attempts at being remotely worthy of God. Maybe that is part of why we ought to give things up, not because we should punish ourselves, but because attempting to give something up shows us just how broken we are. In the past I have viewed lent as a competition with my sinful nature. What can I give up? Can I master this part of myself for 40 days? If I failed, then I just gave up altogether.

But what if the point is to fail? When I fail, I run into the reality that I am broken, that I cannot, in fact, master any one part of my sinful self for 40 days. I need a rescuer.

What do you think? Is lent about failure?

You might want to check out this post in light of the last post about lent.

My First Ash Wednesday

This evening I participated in my first Ash Wednesday service. It is so lovely to have the space to come face to face with my humanity and with the extravagant, blunt reality of the gospel.  The woman who spoke summarized it well when she said that we are both very small and very significant.

I felt small. I felt the weight of my own brokenness  I cannot come to God, I am not even capable of fully wanting to come to God on my own. Yet, I yearn to be completely loved and completely forgiven, but not to repent. I don't want to pay the price involved in really acknowledging how I have sinned. The last thing I really want to do is to own that I have neglected to forgive others, to care for those around me, or to honor God the way He deserves to be honored. This requires facing the knowledge that I am small, so very small. So small, in fact, that I cannot even face the depths of my own failure because it is too much affront to the comfort I think I am entitled to. I think that if I try hard enough that I might be able to humble myself just enough to really repent. Then the reading from Isaiah breaks through loud and clear.

Is that the fast that I choose, a day to humble oneself?Is it to bow the head like a bulrush and lie in sackcloth and ashes? Will you call this a fast, a day acceptable to the Lord?

I am small, indeed. But here I am anyway, drawn to the tenderness of truth and love that reaches out to confront me with the reality that I am wretchedly stuck, but not without great hope. I want to come to the Lord that demands something deeper and more than my efforts at understanding my own sin. I want to come and be loved and healed and set free, but I am just so incapable of doing even that. My thoughts are given shape by the psalmist.

Indeed, I was born guilty, a sinner when my mother conceived me. Turn your face from me, Oh God. You desire truth in the inward being, therefore teach me wisdom in my secret heart. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me and I shall be whiter than snow. 

Jesus. Jesus who offers to take on all my sin, to become my sin because He knows that I am that broken. In that invitation there is love - love that shows me that I am created. I am a being that is temporary, dependent. This reality breaks the illusions that I can in any way make myself ready for lent. It reminds me that the great freedom of the gospel is that Christ loved me when I was still His enemy, and that today is no different. I am small. And I am not without great worth. I am significant. Why else would the creator reach out and love, at great personal cost, the created? I must mean something. We must mean something.

These two realities must be kept together. To be small only is to berate myself and to never see the value that God places on me. To be small only can, I think, lead to the danger of legalism. To be significant only is to elevate myself to a place where I am in danger of forgetting the need created by my brokenness. I experienced so much joy in these two things being paired together so beautifully in the service. I am small, wretched, and stuck; and I am precious, worth a great price, and well-loved. I am ashes, and to ashes I shall return and I repent and trust Christ. I think that I am starting to see why this is the beginning of a season, there is much to unpack and absorb.

Meatballs for Hobbits

This year for Christmas Eve, my family made appetizers instead of a traditional Christmas meal with all the trimmings. I decided to combine a couple of recipes from Pinterest to try my hand at home made meatballs. Here are the two recipes I adapted. Dialed-In Nutrition's Italian Meatballs and Cheesy Chicken Parm Meatballs from Tracey's Culinary Adventures. I have awakened some kind of experimenting, Pinteresting, blog-surfing meatball monster.

I am learning a lot about meatballs. And there are many different schools of thought: with cheese vs without; one egg vs two eggs; bread crumbs vs flour; spices vs. spicy sausage; veal vs lamb vs sausage. It is over dramatizing things a tad to divide the world of meatball opinions into schools of thought and pit them against each other in a battle to win your loyalty, but I really wanted to use the "vs." language so you all have to deal with the drummed-up drama. Thank you for bearing with me, at the end of this ramble there is a meatball recipe that is, I think, worth it for those who like things on the mild, predictable, Hobbity side of things. 

After all this digging and nerd-style research, I have learned one thing that is true of every recipe that I am drawn to: they all have beef and a secondary ingredient. The first batch I tried at Christmas had ground turkey. This made for lighter, less fatty meat balls if that is possible in something that is a glob of meat. I like to stick with very lean beef to begin with. It is a good foundation, and it means that if you want to add spicy sausage, or some more fancy meat, that there is more freedom to do that without worrying about your meatball being too, too heavy. See above comment about globs of meat.

I have also learned that there is actual, not invented-for-Sarah's-grammatical-whims debate about cheese worked into the meat itself so it runs throughout or packed inside like a little cheese bomb. I much prefer the second and set out to see if I can make a meatball recipe that is something I will actually write down and be able to recreate again and pass onto you. I prefer more spice (ahem, flavor) than the ones I made on Christmas.

So, for you, my faithful, blog-reading friends that put up with the randomness that is this blog, I will write down both recipes. Here, near as I can figure it, is the recipe that I made over Christmas. They were actually quite tricky to make into packets of meat with cheese bombs in them. This is primarily because I used shredded cheese, which was hard to pack inside of the raw meat. I imagine that cubed cheese would be much easier.

Meatballs for Hobbits ( and all other people who resemble my parents and like mild things. The all-knowing receptionist falls into this category - you would love these, lady!)

Sauce

1 can (48 oz) crushed tomatoes

1 small onion - diced

3 cloves garlic- minced

roughly 1/8 cup red wine (more or less to taste)

1/4 tsp salt

1/4 tsp oregano

1/4 tsp marjoram

1tsp basil

dash of pepper

dash balsamic vinegar

* Saute garlic, onion and spices in olive oil in large skillet until onions are soft and translucent.

* Add red wine. Reduce until desired thickness- was roughly 8 minutes for me.

* Add tomatoes and their juices. Simmer uncovered roughly 25 minutes.

* Remove sauce from skillet transfer into slow cooker (or a dutch oven, seeing as I don't own a slow cooker. My bother and sister in law do and this is what we used for Christmas dinner with the fam) DO NOT CLEAN THE SKILLET. Leave all those juicy, tasty bits in the skillet so that you can sear the meatballs in it. Seriously, this is the best thing ever and it makes the meatballs that much more tasty, which is important because these are fairly mild and they need to additional flavor.

Meatballs

1 lb lean ground beef (93/7)

1 lb ground turkey

1egg

1/4 cup flour

2 cups shredded mozzarella

1/4 cup shredded parmesan

1/4 tsp salt

1/4 tsp pepper

1/2 tsp oregano

1/2 tsp basil

1/4 tsp marjoram

* Preheat oven to 350. line large cookie sheet with foil.

* Combine ground beef and turkey in large bowl. I did this with my hands as it was easier to  ensure the meat was well mixed.

* Add egg, flour, and spices. Combine until fairly evenly distributed.

heat the skillet with 1-2 tbs olive oil on medium heat.

* Take a golf-ball sized glob (I am guessing this was roughly 1/4 cupish) flatten onto your hand, and pinch a small hand full of cheese mixture into the flattened meat. Then close the meat around the cheese so that you can't see any of the cheese. Place meat ball in skillet. Repeat this until your skillet is full.

* Turn the meatball several times so that you brown all sides of the meat ball. This way they get crispy and they get all the flavor of the sauce that is still in the skillet- making a tasty crust on your meatball and a happy marriage of meatball and sauce.

* Once your meatballs are browned on all sides, remove them from the skillet and place them on a foil-lined cookie sheet. Cook for 25-30 minutes.

Once they are done you can add them to the sauce and all live happily ever after. 

Fear of Change: Fear of Loss

In the midst of so much change, and the possibility of change, and the certainty of change, this post from Keegan Lenker on Fuller Youth Institute website was timely. There is a tid bit at the end of the post that I find particularly enlightening. "People aren't afraid of change, they are afraid of loss." What a profound insight. This changes everything when framing change to those who must walk through it. What if, in the face of change, we ask a series of questions. 

What are we actually loosing in this process?

What might we lose in this process?

What is the hardest thing to let go of? Do you have to let go of it?

What pieces of the past can we take with us?

What is there to be gained?

Where are we going and is it somewhere I want to go?

Who is affected by this shift? How are they affected? How am I affected? 

If we ask these questions, what sort of conversations might we have? Are they potentially more productive? At the very least, it is helpful to remember that resistance to change is sometimes about loss. 

Without a Church Home

I will just put it out there. Under the best circumstances possible, I left my church. So, I am out there floating from church to church week to week and I have no clue what I am doing. I am not sure if I am looking for a new church home, or just looking. So far it has been about 2 months since I left my previous church home of 13 years. At first I was excited to get out there and explore other types of churches and to potentially find other like-minded people who have maybe been the liberal person in a conservative environment. And I am still energized by that possibility and by the possibility of fellowshipping somewhere that is a better fit for me at this time in my life.

But, already, there are things that I would not expect. I am feeling the strain of not having a church home. I have an amazing small group, supportive friends, and many people in my life who actively hold me accountable, walk with me, pray with me, and live my Christian life with me. But, this, I am learning, is not the same as a church home. I am not all the way sure what that means yet, but it is not the same. I am craving the weekly experience of the same group of believers in a format that has some predictability. This stands in tension with the desire that I have to get out, explore, learn, and see what is to be seen in church in other iterations. So, I am not sure what to do and where to go. I have a list of churches to visit, but I find that I need to readjust my game plan.

To do what? instead of what? I am not even sure. But I think that I need to consider a different approach other than a  new church every week. This is wearing on me and it has not been that long.