Baby Steps Toward Building a Small Group

To begin with, I HATE What About Bob. Seriously hate it. I spend the vast majority of the movie wishing he would actually suffer the consequences of all the ridiculous situations he gets in. It drives me insane, like Forest Gump meeting a comedy of errors. I also really hate Forest Gump, but that is another rant for another day. As much as I hate What About Bob, it does not negate the point that sometimes, (Is sometimes one word or two? any of my grammar friends out there know that one?) often times, things need to come in very, very small stages. Such is the case with our Fuse Group at church.

This particular group has been through so much transition in the last year. I feel for the students who need stability and have had very little. Let me give you a glimpse into their world. The major changes have been a new format for youth group, the loss of 2-3 adult leaders (that I know of) and the addition of a new location, and 2-3 new leaders. Attendance fluctuates not only with the calendar year and academic year, and in any given week we could have the same number of students, but an almost entirely different group of individuals. And those are only the major changes. Sheesh.

This is what we are up against as we are trying to build some kind of foundation for trust and relationship. Lately we have taken some encouraging steps in that direction. Fuse Groups are interesting in that they can be mixed gender or same gender, depending on the group itself. I suggested and moved forward with having a gender-specific group, and there were objections. This was a leadership error on my part. I should have brought it up and given the students a chance to decide if that is what they wanted before I moved forward with it. I am so glad that there was a facebook revolt of sorts. I find this so encouraging because there is a sense of ownership in voicing an objection. This shows that they in some way think the group is their own and they are invested enough to speak about how they don't want the group to be. Such objections might be complaint at more change, they might come from a genuine concern to be in an environment that feels comfortable or safe, and they might be just a chance to flex the will. No matter what the motive of each student, this was an opportunity to begin to build the trust that is needed in the small group. By opening the conversation, hearing what is behind the objections, and working out an action plan going forward, I think we took several steps toward building a small group. This discussion communicated that each member is valuable, that a small group is a safe place to voice concerns, that this is a place where we bring things out into the open, and that we are not to be undone by opposition. Those are some of the foundational pieces of building a small group.

I am happy we took those steps, but sometimes I am overwhelmed by the distance we have to go. The students still need to get to a place where they feel comfortable regularly sharing their spiritual lives with one another, and that is something that requires many more laps. A thriving small group is characterized by (among other things) its members volunteering vulnerable information, listening well, committing to be present with someone else when they are walking through a hardship, and celebrating one another and the group itself. We have a marathon until we get to that point. It is hard not to be overwhelmed, and, as much as I hate to admit it, that is when I have to remind myself that some things do indeed come in baby steps.

Everything I need to know about ministry, I learned at TIU

Everything I need to know about ministry, I learned at TIU. Okay, not everything, but a good number of things. In this case: the importance of modeling. Everything is clanging gongs and crashing symbols without love and every attempt at discipleship is empty without modeling. This afternoon (by which I mean two or three weeks ago when I actually drafted this post), as I sat at the

Towne Square

restaurant with Stephanie, many of my thoughts about small groups came into focus. This is partially because these days I am preoccupied with the revamp of our youth group and partially because Stephanie articulated something that I have been ruminating on- the importance of modeling in transformative ministry.

The people who have had the most impact on my life are those who have let me into theirs. I really want our small groups to be a place where adolescents see the inside of the lives of adults who are living out their faith. And I think that this is why people volunteer in youth ministry- yes?  I want to see adults and teenagers connecting, and in Stephanie’s words, realizing that they are both human.

Yes! I am passionate about this connection and its value, but Steph rightly pointed out that it is the foundation to something greater. As one who would seek to disciple adolescents, not only do I have to be transparent, but I need to be living out my faith, AND I have to be willing to let young people see my life. This is where I feel the most challenged- one cannot program authentic, soul-changing, life changing Christianity. But it can be fed, nurtured and modeled.

Small Group Discussion Questions: in or out? opinions needed

At what point do small group discussion questions become more a hindrance than a help? I am in youth ministry culture shock. I have only been back in the youth group setting for 3 weeks and there are so many things that are strange to me. Small groups at Third Place have been operating with small group questions as long as I can remember. In fact, it has been so long that I am not sure what the original intent was for the questions themselves. I can remember using them under three youth pastors, and in various settings. In the state of youth minsitry cutlure shock, I am asking all sorts of why questions. Why have small group questions? This got me thinking: do small group leaders really need these questions? Most volunteers are capable of starting conversations with adolescents, and some have been facilitating small group discussions for a long time as well. Are the small group questions more a hindrance than a help? At what point(s) are they needed? or even beneficial? at what point do they become a crutch?

Ok.. that is the subject on the table. I want to hear what you think.